i was awfully single-blessed when i wrote this entry. pathetic as i can ever be, i WAS infatuated with an officemate-friend-badminton-buddy who i practically spent most of my time with then. i don’t think i was in love with him, more of just happy, secure and comfortable with his company that his absence somehow affected me. we were an “item” or so i thought. until truth came out that he was in a long-term relationship. i was then confronted with how to carry myself with poise after knowing what i didn’t want to know but had to know coz most of the people we know, already knows.
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something just dawned on me yesterday and came like a hard slap in the face. damn! don't wanna go into the gory details of this experience i don't wanna remember for as long as i live so lemme just share with you some songs that best describe how i'm feeling right now... since yesterday afternoon
sing it!
can't believe that i'm a fool again
i thought this love would never end
how was i to know
you never told me
don't give me that jologs-killer look in your eyes. i'm not a follower of westlife or anything but neither am i a cynic of the group. i just find their lines fit for what i am loudly whispering since the bugging truth came out from the horse's mouth yesterday.
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foolish heart, hear me calling
stop before you start falling
foolish heart, heed my warning
you've been wrong before
don't be wrong anymore
yah i know i'm a fool. you need not tell me that a gazillion times to constantly remind me. the title of this song becomes foolish me when i sing it.
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rain outside my window pouring down
what now, you're gone, my fault, i'm sorry
feeling like a fool cause i let you down
now it's too late to turn it around
how can i not see that i'm again making a fool outta myself these past few weeks, er, months na pala. at least i haven't invested that much yet. (yah, right gurl!)
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i'd rather you be mean than love and lie
i'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
i'd rather take a blow at least then i would know
but baby don't you break my heart slow
as i was making my way towards the ladies' room after reading the news from him, i thought i was fighting back tears but nothing fell. i was just staring blankly at nothingness. (just imagine my girl, jasmine, breezing through the crowded airport tagging along her lame dad, oblivious of the world around her knowing that she can't be with julian anymore.) didn't even notice i entered the room with a door sign that reads, "male" ~ oops! sowee... (little bamba on bambacute's shoulder's note: too much my girl for this gurl!)
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i saw him this morning, i saw him before lunch, i saw him just a while ago... damn! he just passed by in front of me... now this little bamba on my shoulder whispered something, "foolish you!" bug off, you crap! i just don't understand why he had to make me believe in pretentions all these time. i don't know if i'm hurting or heart broken or mad or sad. all i know is i'm feeling like a fool for falling into a trap i already once fell into. but i didn't see the signs! hell!
nah this is nothing deeply serious... i was just taken aback at the unexpected revelation. and close to livid having found out i was the last to know. aaarrrghh!!! foolish me! oh well, at least i owe him gratitude for having the balls to finally blurt the truth out before i really fall for him.
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cause it's my first broken heart
my dreams within have ended
it's my first broken heart
i don't know how to mend it
tell me where do i start
cause it's my first broken heart
(first broken heart ka jan... wa ka kilati'g colored?!?)
originally posted on august 26, 2006 @ friendster blogs
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