bitchology 101

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.

When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.

When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a bitch.

Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.

When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch.

The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish.
  

It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be.

I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!

So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me.

YOU WON'T SUCCEED.

And if that makes me a bitch, so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

'Cause I'm a Bitch In Total Control of Herself.

I Am One Hell of a Woman… A Beautiful Individual Who Can Handle Anything.

the seloser that i am

another old post reminiscent of my single-blessedness days.

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thanks to jenvil for sparking my interest through her bulletin post... a really good subject matter to ponder on. am i really the jealous type of person? jealous as in annoying, scheming jealous? or just the so-so jealous that could manage to send kilig kiligs down the spine of my better half. unfortunately, i have no better half who could very well assess by being so or so-so, so, i braved the test and see what it had to offer me.

... and come to my defense if the result says otherwise from what i believe. hahaha! (talking about the goodies on being defensive, huh?)

the student center's jealousy test deemed the average jealousy rating to be 35.54% after 568,226 neanderthals answered the perky survey. (di naman masahdo marami 'no? yah, konti lang. ano bah?) from the said gauge, I AM 20.63% JEALOUS.  this percentage means that:

1. i have very few jealous traits.
2. i rarely over-react and have a handle on the severity of situations.
3. whatever jealous attributes i have will not present a problem in relationships, and will sometimes help.

uhmm... seriously and honestly, i kinda agree. i'm not the type of girlfriend who gets possessed by the green-eyed monster easily. maybe it's because i give my trust easily. maybe that's why i get hurt easily. maybe that's why i'm prone to cheats and users. aarrrgghh!!! is this working to my disadvantage, instead? oh well, that's life as i know it. on the other hand, as a backward-bending demand curve puts it, i may not be that hell of a seloser, but when i'm one... i am totally UNREASONABLE! simply, i get jealous at the wrong person, for all the wrong reasons. reconcile that!

makes me think back to those past relationships i had and the kagagahans of perverse selosings... hay naku, brought nothing but bad nonsenses. this is an online vindication to two of my favorite mistakes... kaya go! crucify me!

ey, gotta go...

originally posted on november 3, 2006 @ friendster blogs

can you name 13 of your friends?

this game is really nice! i wanna try this again with a different set of 13 significant individuals in my life at present. but i have to forget the questions that follow first so there would be no bias. one more thing, i have to note that “chenes” expression of mine. so old school na talaga. “chenes” pa ang fave expression ko noon.

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i saw this perk somewhere and thought of trying this out myself. just taking simple things naman after a hard day’s work. chenes lang, so to say. here goes…

name 13 of your friends that you can think of right off the top of your head right now. don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 13 people. this is a lot funnier if you actually randomly list the names first. no cheating!

1. dexter

2. jayrome

3. jenny

4. aiai

5. jena

6. ipertzee

7. ivan

8. jeanmae

9. gillian

10. chantal

11. zeng

12. monique

13. bjorn

how did you meet 11?
~ she’s a pop kid in high school, everybody knows her… got close with her coz we eventually ended up in the same crowd since 3^rd year high school until now

what would you do if you had never met 1?
~ wouldn’t have survived the intrigues and intricacies of high school life, and the more difficult peculiarities of my so-called life

what would you do if 6 and 2 dated?
~ laugh hard until i cry… hahaha! sabi ko na nga ba they could be into each other eh: drinking buddies, yosi partners, they even watched a movie alone ha. hahay, good old javlon days

have you ever seen 3 cry?
~ yezz! cry over something foolish, cry over pressure and cry over something serious. but she’s no cry baby naman talaga. nagkataon lang…

do you think 10 is cute?
~ of course! lalo na ngayong mas chubby chubby na sya. peace, santol!

how did you get to know 8?
~ the most important thing that happened to me in casa leticia… having found a super duper goodest friend in her. sumpay man mi’g tinai ana niya

would you ever go on a date with number 13?
~ given a chance, yes!!!

what's 7's favorite color?
~ blue? i bet it’s blue

what would you do if 7 confessed he/she loved you?
~ omg!!! why did i put ivan in the 7^th post?! haha! i’d be flattered, i’d blush (even if i’m not capable) and my life would turn from simple to crazily perplexing.

fact about 9
~ nice one, gie! our motto – once you tell gillian, you already told bamba… and vice versa.

who is 4 going out with?
- me! and the rest of the sukobers… and, of course, hubby daddy arvin

who is number 5 to you?
~ my trusty sukober

would you ever live with 13?
~ isa pang omg!!! nope siguro. di kakayanin ng powers ko

is 2 single?
~ his friendster status says so… but never had the pleasure of knowing the truth straight from the horse’s mouth (care to share, choi?)

where does 7 live?
~ he’s really from marbel but he’s got a boarding house, no, apartment (correction!) in acacia corner magsaysay streets

what do you think about 3?
~ brilliant! she speaks her mind out and a great writer. she’ll make it big in the entertainment industry in japan with kiat/singing/dancing/kabuang partner, no less, me!

what's the best thing about number 8?
~ never a dull moment with her! i could be myself around her, she knows how to have a great time even with the simplest things, doesn’t know how to get mad, free ilonggo tutorials, great listener, super friend!

what do you like about number 6?
~ his passion for fun, his undying love for mahal, his humor and the way he discretely cares for us, javlon gurls, by being brutal on his comments but you could note the concern in his eyes

favorite memory with 2?
~ huh! this is hard! sooo many great and wonderful memories of this guy, happiness during those times spent together, lessons learned, hardships surpassed, everything about him. summed up in 4 words: my one true love!

originally posted on october 25, 2006 @ friendster blogs

he never gave me flowers

my husband is an Engineer by profession, i love him for his steady nature, and i love the warm feeling when i lean against his broad shoulders. three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, i would have to admit, that i am getting tired of it. the reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

i am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, i yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. my husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love.

one day, i finally decided to tell him my decision, that i wanted a divorce. "why?" he asked, shocked. "i am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!" i answered.

he kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times. my feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can i hope from him?

and finally he asked me: "what can i do to change your mind?" somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and i guess, i have started losing faith in him. looking deep into his eyes i slowly answered : "here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, i will change my mind. let's say, i want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?"

he said : "i will give you your answer tomorrow...." my hopes just sank by listening to his response.

i woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

"my dear, i would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further.." this first line is already breaking my heart. i continued reading. 

"when you use the computer you always mess up the software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, i have to save my fingers so that i can help to restore the programs. 

you always leave the house keys behind, thus i have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.

you love traveling but always lose your way in a new city. i have to save my eyes to show you the way.

you always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month, i have to save my palms so that i can calm the cramps in your tummy.

you like to stay indoors, and i worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. i have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

you always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, i have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, i can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. so i can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand. and tell you the color of the flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face.

thus, my dear, unless i am sure that there is someone who loves you more than  do, i could not pick that flower yet, and die."

my tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting. and as i continue on reading...

"now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for i am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk.

i rushed to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk

bottle and loaf of bread.

now i am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and i have decided to leave the flower alone.

that's life, and love. when one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness. love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form. he never gave me flowers, but now i know flowers and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. under all this, the pillar of true love stands. and that's our life... love, not words win arguments.

originally posted on may 16, 2005 @ friendster blogs