bitchology 101

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.

When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.

When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a bitch.

Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.

When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch.

The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish.
  

It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be.

I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!

So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me.

YOU WON'T SUCCEED.

And if that makes me a bitch, so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

'Cause I'm a Bitch In Total Control of Herself.

I Am One Hell of a Woman… A Beautiful Individual Who Can Handle Anything.

mind over matter

imma say it loud, imma say it clear. so stack that up in yer brain!

a child's wit

funny how a child’s innocent answers send us laughing down to our knees, how effortlessly kids come up with incisive responses to some questions even adults could not have answered half as witty. i came to this thought during one of my lazy conversations with mom. and here are the top five wittiest responses on my list from kids i know:

TOP 5. tied at fifth spot are the smartness of Ruel, 5, and Marie Depuli, 4

§  during our early months stay in our now-permanent residence, part of the preliminary landscaping of our lawn included scraping out the stones and pebbles to grow the grass. what an arduous thing for hungry, tired bambacute.

Bamba: hahay, kagutom tawon! (hahay, kakagutom naman.)

(ruel, with forehead wrinkled, trying to steady his focus on me despite his eye disorder, nonchalantly uttered)

Ruel: gutom ka? kaon didto! (gutom ka? kumain ka dun!)

oo nga naman… what else should one do when hungry? simple! eh di kumain!

§  cuz depuli and me had the same problem concerning our naturally blonde hair. in continuous pursuit to keep the browns from possessing the few remaining blacks, our parents’ remedy is the traditional coconut oil (all-natural coconut juice extracted by squeezing the coco-meat) applied thickly on our hair leaving it all stinky and oily and yucky.

Mamang Betcha: (with disgusted look) heeee deps, ano yang nasa ulo mo? yuck!

Depuli: (looking innocently) buhok po, tita.

ano nga naman ba ang nasa ulo kundi buhok?  

TOP 4: still Marie Depuli, 4

Depuli, observing mamang and me finish our bayabas in the dinner table;

Depuli: ano yan, tita?

Mamang Betcha: guava ito, dep. guavvvvvvaa. (with much emphasis on V to teach the young depuli the English of bayabas with correct pronunciation)

Depuli: (watching closely tita bet’s lips) vvvvv…

Mamang Betcha: guavvvva...

Depuli: (obviously having a hard time on the V) vvvv… vvvveeeyabas!

dah! why torture herself with guava when there’s the easier bayabas, este, viyabas?

TOP 3: Joshua Angelo, 4

Josh, fiddling at the spare table in mamang’s office, unmindful of the world around him and just enjoying the comfort of the cold room, when tita boging and ate mae came in to consult something with mamang. josh barely looking up, whispered rather loudly to himself;

Joshua: tita boging is tita boging. ate mae is ate mae. tita boging is not ate mae. and ate mae is not tita boging.

Mamang Betcha: (eaten by her curiosity) why josh? bcoz tita boging is old?

Joshua: yes, she’s not new.

ayan! kasi nakikialam sa usapan ng mga bata… pero tama nga naman si josh, what else is old? but something that’s not new. ayt?

TOP 2: Sarah Francesca, 3

cuz isis, while watching her mom, ninang vine, dress up for office one summer morning;

Isis: (face in aversion, almost yelling her protest) asa diay ka ma? (san ka pala, ma?)

Ninang Vine: (in her calmest tone to keep isis from crying) adto mama office, tata (reads: bata), ha. diri lang ka balay. dili lang ka uban ha. la man tata didto. (pupunta si mama sa office, tata, ha. dito ka lang sa bahay. wala kasing tata dun.)

Isis: (quite convinced) aw. uu. (with cebuano accent)

Uncle Maki, observing on the other side of the room, provokingly mocked isis who was still disappointed with her mama’s early departure from the house;

Tatay Maki: asa diay adto si mama, ‘bee? (reads: baby) adto sya office? (san pala pupunta si mama, 'bee? sa office?)

Isis: (in an attempt to sound adult) uu. adto mama office. dili lang ka uban, tatay maki, ha. la man tata didto. (oo. punta mama sa office. wag ka lang sumama, tatay maki, ha. wala kasing tata dun.)

nah! see how fast the kid’s pick up was? very sharp, isis. very clever! hahaha!

TOP 1: tararan taran! (drum rolls , please) no less but yours truly, Marie Elizabeth, 2.5 (as recounted by betcha)

Manong, who was then in preschool (and I was still an out-of-school youth), was browsing a book of biblical stories. for reasons he alone knew, the inquisitive manong bugged mamang with an innocent question;

Manong Weng: mang, mang! ngano diay gilansang si Jesus Christ sa cross? (bakit pinako si Jesus Christ sa cross?)

Mamang: (thinking very hard on how to explain to this young boy’s mind the story behind Jesus’ crucifixion in the simplest way possible, mindful of sparing the kid with the gory details) uhmm…

Manong Weng: (snooping some more) mang, ngano lagi gilansang si Jesus sa cross? (bakit nga pinako si Jesus sa cross?)

(bamba, twiddling at her coloring book, answered manong’s question for mamang without even looking up to the talking mag-ina)

Bamba: aron dili mahulog, manong. (para hindi malaglag, manong.)

Manong Weng: aw. (ah.)

at natapos ang usapan. just like that. who ever said you need to complicate simple things?

all we sometimes need is the innocent wit of a kid to solve a seemingly difficult puzzle. not only do they offer effective comic relief but lessons more educated adults cannot offer.

like what my mom always tells me, “unless you become like little children, you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven.” (malangit na jud diay ko ani! yehey!!!)

bambacute's good flying tips and etiquette

this is one blog i’ve always liked to read and re-read. never mind the side notes, just dig into the content and surely you’ll mug up useful info when you get into the situation. quite outdated as terminal fee is still P40.00 in this entry but spare me the ridicule as i wrote this in 2006 pa. hit the books, readers!

**********

of all the flights i ever flew in, flight 5J 962 bound for manila last nov12 was the most exasperating and stressful. i dunno if it’s the waking up early so as not to miss the first flight or just the gruesome process that prompted me to notice even the small details of the trip and write my own book of flight tips and etiquette with slight grumpiness.

thanks to that bomb expert cum ego-tripper moron who sneaked a bomb replica into our beloved airport (that scarred digong’s ego) for the strictest airport security SOP ever to transpire in the land of promise. at least now it’s not “random bag check” anymore that’s good as saying, “ey, lemme check your bag coz you look like a terrorist to me.”

PRELIMINARIES

as i entered the gate leading me inside the departure area, mr. inspector with his sniffing K9 scoured my stuffs for suspicious looking gadgets. lucky them, all they found were kikay buting-things which merited me the kalokong-natatawa look from inspector mills. but my scent spray was not spared from his nagmamagandang strictness, which was sent from my hand-carried bag to my check-in luggage.

the checking didn’t stop with the bags actually… as i was about to pass through the human metal detector, i had to remove my shoes, belt with buckle, and coins in my side pocket to have it x-rayed too. so imagine me scurrying to get to the other end of the x-ray machine, bare-footed, to scoop my belongings while maintaining balance as i slipped my shoes back on. fortunately, i was advised of this protocol already so i had on a wash-and-wear bootee.

with all these hassles and hooplas of check-in preliminaries, here are some tips you might want to consider:

1. have a footwear that’s way easy to remove and put on. save the rest of the people in line the agony of waiting for you to finish tying your shoe laces.
2. put all liquids and fluidish toiletries in your check-in luggage.
3. as much as possible, wear your belts as you deplane na lang. and keep your coins in your purse. (di ba coins are not made of metal, then why are they detected through a human metal detector? OA naman!)

CHECKING IN

proper flying manners start on the ground. have these essentials in handy to speed up the process: ticket, valid ID… and lots of patience for the lady behind you who keeps bumping her trolley into your heel and the man in front of you smelling like damp trash at 5:50AM. for foreigners (as if may foreigner na nagbabasa ng blog ko), leave some peso in your wallet in case you have to pay for excess baggage. Davao international airport doesn’t have a money changer and an ATM in its premises. lastly, be pleasant to the person behind the counter (who’s in charge of the seating arrangements) so he won’t sit you next to the stinking man… and not extraordinarily pleasant to the stinking man coz he might want to sit next to you.

ONCE CHECKED IN

prepare 40 bucks for the terminal fee and present your boarding pass ONLY, not your ticket anymore. at matuto kang magbasa ng instructions.

untie your shoe laces, unzip the zipper of your boots and brace yourself for yet another shoe-removing activity. at pakiusap po, di ako poste na pwede mong sandalan o tukuran habang na-a-out balance ka na while putting your shoes back on especially if you’re taller and bigger than my skinny stature.

BOARDING

wait for your turn, for heavens’ sake! we are all assured of a seat in the plane and nobody would take your seat away from you so stop pushing me around!

prepare your boarding pass once again and be aware of your seat number. you wouldn’t wanna get lost inside the plane, right?

ON BOARD (madugo itoh!)

according to the civil aviation rule, all cellular phones and communication devices must be switched off. and as preparation for take off, please make sure to have your seat in an upright position, seat belts securely fastened, tray tables stowed and window covers open. – these simple rules are self-explanatory and needs no further elaboration so leave your texting “miss you! mwah!” for later. learn the drill!

the real test of manners is when you’re thousands of meters above the earth, familiarizing yourself with a bunch of strangers’ odors and annoying habits. pay attention to personal hygiene; nobody wants to sit next to halitosis harry as he yaps away about his first time in davao and his nth national youth day experience. before boarding, brush your teeth, deodorize those armpits and wear clean socks. taking the earliest flight may be an excuse for your not taking a bath but never a reason for your worst grooming. 

ok, i’m as ecstatic as you are for having stepped foot at the biggest city in terms of land area, but please naman refrain from swinging your yellow nyd bag kasi may tao sa likuran mo na umiiwas sa hagupit ng bag mo! hmph!

here are some other obvious don’ts:

• don’t kick the seat in front of you.
• don’t pull yourself up using the seat in front of you.
• don’t recline your seat if the person behind you is still eating off the tray.
• don’t recline your seat as if it were a bed convertible. again, may tao sa likuran mo at naiipit na ang tuhod ko!

then there is the armrest argument: which passenger gets which armrest? according to the International Airplane Armrest Arbitration Committee (IAAAC) – of which I am a part-owner, in consortium with bambacute’s Code of National Flying Etiquette, of which i am president, the following rules apply:

the passenger on the aisle seat gets the aisle armrest.

the passenger on the window seat gets the window armrest.

The passenger in the middle gets both middle armrests because that is his only luxury.

(little bamba on my shoulder: what’s so luxurious about sitting in the aisle seat, anyway?)

in the case of a four-seater row (PAL airbus), the same rules apply. the two middle seat passengers usually settle the Great Armrest Debate with a game of rock, paper and scissors. international gaming rules apply: nail and rain are not valid moves.

during the in-flight game of bring me brought to us by cebu pacific air, give chance to others is the cardinal rule. don’t be the eager beaver and offer your entire possession to the host-attendant. i also have that credit card, toothbrush and picture of a loved one with dedication noh! kala mo ikaw lang?!?

LANDING AND BAGGAGE CLAIM

after the plane has landed and the crowd applauded, wait until the “fasten seatbelt” sign is turned off before rushing to get your carry-on bag from the overhead bin. another eager beaver dropped something on my seatmate’s head kaya ayun, napagalitan. buti nga! kulit kasi.

save some of the patience you brewed up at the check-in counter for the baggage claim area. we will all get there at the same day so no need to rush, you brats! once you’re at the carousel, leave space for your fellow travelers to get their bags, maletas and boxes reeking of durian. if your luggage hasn’t come out yet, step aside and let others grab theirs first. if you have a tot with you, don’t let your little monster stand in my way with utter rottenness coz i could get monstrous with kids who doesn’t know the meaning of discipline. and so do other people.

watch out for identical bags, a stranger might mistaken your bag with his wife’s. good thing i had four eyes then, easily spotting the man scooping MY bag out of the carousel and into his trolley. 

if you see an elderly person or a woman struggling with heavy bags, offer to help – that is, unless you are that elderly person or woman, then you can holler for a porter. or, like i did, ask the help of the fine man who, by mistake, took my bag. *wink*

sa lahat ng tinamaan, buti nga! (asus! di nyo rin naman ‘to mababasa kasi di ko naman kayo kilala eh.)

nerve-wrecking as walking in mexico with a manny pacquiao stuffed toy as it may seem, if we only adhere to some simple rules of flying pointers and etiquette in bambacute’s book, an enjoyable journey can be more than just a flight of fancy. after putting all these together, i realized it’s all those little things that put the fun back into flying.

originally posted on november 15, 2006 @ friendster blogs

sleepy head

wrote this entry during my first week as a gent. it was the longest one week of my life doing nothing from 8:00AM to 6:00PM but read the company manual. so damn boring! but little did i know that that was the only week in my five-year stint as trainer that i actually got to have the luxury of time. as my programs started to kick off, time was the last thing on my checklist. i’d like to go back to this blog, to this one precious week, when i was so rich with priceless time.

**********

ever felt sleepyness, sleepyfull, sleepymore during the first hours of work even if you've just gone from a good sleep, great hot bath and hurried through the bustle of city life? damn, i did! i do... always... a lot! sleepyness is taking over me once again... but why?! why do i always feel sleepy during morning work?

let's do a little rewind...

slept early last night, well, comparatively early. had, though not a complete 8-hour sleep, but a deep, fulfilling 6 hours instead. had a nice hot bath (fyi: lamigin ako eh), and ate not much breakfast but enough to last me til lunchtime. the jeepney ride from home was uneventful (viz., did not worry much about running late coz i left home early and the traffic was a breeze), i even had time for a jeepney nap before finally reaching the office 10mins before 8am. mixed my fave 3-in-1 with hot water to make sure i'd be up and about doing my morning tasks. (ok, this is the point where i snap out of the rewind thingy...)

reading through "paradigms of credit and collection," the next lines started to blur a bit... getting more blurred... lines now doubled... waaahh! had to walk down the corridor to the ladies' room pretending i've got some serious business there, just to perk up the sleepy nerves.

why is this happening to me? feels like i'm caught in some sort of vacuity trying to fight against hypnotism. (nah, mala-ibong adarna kind of sleepyness while it's singing blah blah.) why, again, is this happening to me? check items that apply:

[ ] didn't get enough sleep (i just said i had 6hrs. isn't that enough?)

[ ] i'm bored - well, i'm reading. reading could get boring if the subject didn't spark one's interest. but hey yo, kapal naman ng mukha ko... i'm reading work stuffs, the least i could do is get myself interested whether i like it or don't. (evaluation, hija, ikaw din...)

[ ] it's a saturday and i'm supposed to be lying lazy at home - ey, it happens every damn day of the week, not just on a saturday. and besides, you used to have saturday classes (not to mention your sleeping during your morning classes too. remember?).

[ ] senti background music - so you think hard rock would do the trick?! for the years i've known you, i am aware that music has no effect on you. remember how deep your sleep was while manong's wolfgang music (er, noise) was playing? no effect... all sleep.

[ ] i'm not a morning person - that's more like it! to simply put it, you are not as effective a person and a worker in the morning compared to when the sun has retired already.

(it's bamba's alter ego talking to the sleepy-head bamba)

after laying down the assumptions (er, they're not really assumptions, bamm. la lang, just feel like using the word. heh!), what efforts have i been doing to combat the sleepy head morning monster lurking inside of me?

1. water therapy - to get me going to the toilet every now and then. moving around wakes my sense up. temporarily, though.

2. eat, munch, chew - chew, actually. i could very well be the next top ranking stockholder or, better, image model of mentos for the tons of chewables i consume... per hour.

3. self-infliction of pain - masoquista? sadista? whatever you call it! just look at the bruises in my right arm after pinching myself so hard, believing it could do the trick. slap me for even considering. bleh may pasa, buti nga!

4. coffee - coffee runs through my veins, ano bah! kahit pa siguro gawin kong polvoron wrapped in goldilocks wrapper ang coffee, wa epek na po. sad to say. immune na yata ako eh.

5. unlimitext - huh! texting nonesense during office hours ha (blogging too!)... even that didn't work. like i'm allowed to do that often?

6. ok i concede... wait for lunch time and catch up in the afternoon

well then sleepy head, get back to work. you're not paid to blog all you want. oops!

originally posted on may 5, 2006 @ friendster blogs