this is one blog i’ve always liked to read and re-read. never mind the side notes, just dig into the content and surely you’ll mug up useful info when you get into the situation. quite outdated as terminal fee is still P40.00 in this entry but spare me the ridicule as i wrote this in 2006 pa. hit the books, readers!
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of all the flights i ever flew in, flight 5J 962 bound for manila last nov12 was the most exasperating and stressful. i dunno if it’s the waking up early so as not to miss the first flight or just the gruesome process that prompted me to notice even the small details of the trip and write my own book of flight tips and etiquette with slight grumpiness.
thanks to that bomb expert cum ego-tripper moron who sneaked a bomb replica into our beloved airport (that scarred digong’s ego) for the strictest airport security SOP ever to transpire in the land of promise. at least now it’s not “random bag check” anymore that’s good as saying, “ey, lemme check your bag coz you look like a terrorist to me.”
PRELIMINARIES
as i entered the gate leading me inside the departure area, mr. inspector with his sniffing K9 scoured my stuffs for suspicious looking gadgets. lucky them, all they found were kikay buting-things which merited me the kalokong-natatawa look from inspector mills. but my scent spray was not spared from his nagmamagandang strictness, which was sent from my hand-carried bag to my check-in luggage.
the checking didn’t stop with the bags actually… as i was about to pass through the human metal detector, i had to remove my shoes, belt with buckle, and coins in my side pocket to have it x-rayed too. so imagine me scurrying to get to the other end of the x-ray machine, bare-footed, to scoop my belongings while maintaining balance as i slipped my shoes back on. fortunately, i was advised of this protocol already so i had on a wash-and-wear bootee.
with all these hassles and hooplas of check-in preliminaries, here are some tips you might want to consider:
- have a footwear that’s way easy to remove and put on. save the rest of the people in line the agony of waiting for you to finish tying your shoe laces.
- put all liquids and fluidish toiletries in your check-in luggage.
- as much as possible, wear your belts as you deplane na lang. and keep your coins in your purse. (di ba coins are not made of metal, then why are they detected through a human metal detector? OA naman!)
CHECKING IN
proper flying manners start on the ground. have these essentials in handy to speed up the process: ticket, valid ID… and lots of patience for the lady behind you who keeps bumping her trolley into your heel and the man in front of you smelling like damp trash at 5:50AM. for foreigners (as if may foreigner na nagbabasa ng blog ko), leave some peso in your wallet in case you have to pay for excess baggage. Davao international airport doesn’t have a money changer and an ATM in its premises. lastly, be pleasant to the person behind the counter (who’s in charge of the seating arrangements) so he won’t sit you next to the stinking man… and not extraordinarily pleasant to the stinking man coz he might want to sit next to you.
ONCE CHECKED IN
prepare 40 bucks for the terminal fee and present your boarding pass ONLY, not your ticket anymore. at matuto kang magbasa ng instructions.
untie your shoe laces, unzip the zipper of your boots and brace yourself for yet another shoe-removing activity. at pakiusap po, di ako poste na pwede mong sandalan o tukuran habang na-a-out balance ka na while putting your shoes back on especially if you’re taller and bigger than my skinny stature.
BOARDING
wait for your turn, for heavens’ sake! we are all assured of a seat in the plane and nobody would take your seat away from you so stop pushing me around!
prepare your boarding pass once again and be aware of your seat number. you wouldn’t wanna get lost inside the plane, right?
ON BOARD (madugo itoh!)
according to the civil aviation rule, all cellular phones and communication devices must be switched off. and as preparation for take off, please make sure to have your seat in an upright position, seat belts securely fastened, tray tables stowed and window covers open. – these simple rules are self-explanatory and needs no further elaboration so leave your texting “miss you! mwah!” for later. learn the drill!
the real test of manners is when you’re thousands of meters above the earth, familiarizing yourself with a bunch of strangers’ odors and annoying habits. pay attention to personal hygiene; nobody wants to sit next to halitosis harry as he yaps away about his first time in davao and his nth national youth day experience. before boarding, brush your teeth, deodorize those armpits and wear clean socks. taking the earliest flight may be an excuse for your not taking a bath but never a reason for your worst grooming.
ok, i’m as ecstatic as you are for having stepped foot at the biggest city in terms of land area, but please naman refrain from swinging your yellow nyd bag kasi may tao sa likuran mo na umiiwas sa hagupit ng bag mo! hmph!
here are some other obvious don’ts:- don’t kick the seat in front of you.
- don’t pull yourself up using the seat in front of you.
- don’t recline your seat if the person behind you is still eating off the tray.
- don’t recline your seat as if it were a bed convertible. again, may tao sa likuran mo at naiipit na ang tuhod ko!
then there is the armrest argument: which passenger gets which armrest? according to the International Airplane Armrest Arbitration Committee (IAAAC) – of which I am a part-owner, in consortium with bambacute’s Code of National Flying Etiquette, of which i am president, the following rules apply:
the passenger on the aisle seat gets the aisle armrest.
the passenger on the window seat gets the window armrest.
The passenger in the middle gets both middle armrests because that is his only luxury.
(little bamba on my shoulder: what’s so luxurious about sitting in the aisle seat, anyway?)
in the case of a four-seater row (PAL airbus), the same rules apply. the two middle seat passengers usually settle the Great Armrest Debate with a game of rock, paper and scissors. international gaming rules apply: nail and rain are not valid moves.
during the in-flight game of bring me brought to us by cebu pacific air, give chance to others is the cardinal rule. don’t be the eager beaver and offer your entire possession to the host-attendant. i also have that credit card, toothbrush and picture of a loved one with dedication noh! kala mo ikaw lang?!?
LANDING AND BAGGAGE CLAIM
after the plane has landed and the crowd applauded, wait until the “fasten seatbelt” sign is turned off before rushing to get your carry-on bag from the overhead bin. another eager beaver dropped something on my seatmate’s head kaya ayun, napagalitan. buti nga! kulit kasi.
save some of the patience you brewed up at the check-in counter for the baggage claim area. we will all get there at the same day so no need to rush, you brats! once you’re at the carousel, leave space for your fellow travelers to get their bags, maletas and boxes reeking of durian. if your luggage hasn’t come out yet, step aside and let others grab theirs first. if you have a tot with you, don’t let your little monster stand in my way with utter rottenness coz i could get monstrous with kids who doesn’t know the meaning of discipline. and so do other people.
watch out for identical bags, a stranger might mistaken your bag with his wife’s. good thing i had four eyes then, easily spotting the man scooping MY bag out of the carousel and into his trolley.
if you see an elderly person or a woman struggling with heavy bags, offer to help – that is, unless you are that elderly person or woman, then you can holler for a porter. or, like i did, ask the help of the fine man who, by mistake, took my bag. *wink*
sa lahat ng tinamaan, buti nga! (asus! di nyo rin naman ‘to mababasa kasi di ko naman kayo kilala eh.)
nerve-wrecking as walking in mexico with a manny pacquiao stuffed toy as it may seem, if we only adhere to some simple rules of flying pointers and etiquette in bambacute’s book, an enjoyable journey can be more than just a flight of fancy. after putting all these together, i realized it’s all those little things that put the fun back into flying.
originally posted on november 15, 2006 @ friendster blogs
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