anger management

i remember this guy i was talking about here. goodness! the thought of him gives me goose bumps! i can still feel the anger i felt then while reading thru the lines of this entry. he’s someone i really did not become “friends” with until his last days in the office… and until now. i don’t think we’re even friends in fb. but i don’t hold grudges, i’m just indifferent. like what i have written here, i may have grown mature already. *wink!*

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why are there people who just make a career out of pissing me off… this early rainy morning?!? i’m not supposed to feel this way coz my day had a good start, at least. despite the heavy downpour up there in the bukid where i hail, i made it to the office way early to open the gate and doors for everyone and clean my desk, make my face up, eat my hearty breakfast i brought from home and jumpstart my work. i even greeted him with all-smiles, “good morning.” just when i was about to breeze through work beaming like a retard, unlike the gloomy mood of the weather outside, the nympho in him has taken over him and i am the ill-fated prey. damn it! i just wanna squeeze his head in a tourniquet until it rips off from his neck every time he does that. yes, e-v-e-r-y damn t-i-m-e!

i even planned to blog today about how refreshing it is being the key keeper for the next two weeks and delight in coming to work super early… seeing the still dark office, being teased by the neighbor-office guard about the white watch lady of our workplace, having to be the first one to turn the lights on (with no white ladies around), listening to the silence of the normally noisy-with-the-clatter- of-computer-keyboards room, watching my officemates arrive one by one (especially those running late with thwarted looks realizing its 8:01 already. uh, i know the feeling. believe me!) but… but… aaarrrgggghhhh!!! see how effective he is at peeving me?!

i just wanna tell the world that i am nobody’s “pampabuenas”. i hate the term, so never use it on me. i am not his lucky charm or his “gang” for that matter. spare me the annoyance, puh-lease! for crying out loud! i just wanna have a good day, is that too much to ask?! and then he answered, “wa koy L!”

but if it’s any consolation, i still owe him gratitude for my emotional maturity. as long as my anger for him lingers, i’m still immature. god would not take away these kinda people easily so i have to deal with the likes of his no matter how irritating it could get. but the moment i’ll turn indifferent on him and his apostles, i’ve grown mature then. and when that time comes, i have him to thank. at dahil sa napakalaking perceived contribution nya sa emotional maturity ko, kukunin din sya ni lord. and like mamaya nay un. huh! ;)

so with this ordeal i’m in right now, this i  pray, “Lord, please grant me longer patience and wider understanding to bear with the idiosyncrasies of this pervy i’m sitting next to… if not, grant me more strength to punch him one hard time on the face enough to put him to deep sleep forever. amen.”

originally posted on october 18, 2006 @ friendster blogs

foolish heart... foolish me

i was awfully single-blessed when i wrote this entry. pathetic as i can ever be, i WAS infatuated with an officemate-friend-badminton-buddy who i practically spent most of my time with then. i don’t think i was in love with him, more of just happy, secure and comfortable with his company that his absence somehow affected me. we were an “item” or so i thought. until truth came out that he was in a long-term relationship. i was then confronted with how to carry myself with poise after knowing what i didn’t want to know but had to know coz most of the people we know, already knows.

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something just dawned on me yesterday and came like a hard slap in the face. damn! don't wanna go into the gory details of this experience i don't wanna remember for as long as i live so lemme just share with you some songs that best describe how i'm feeling right now... since yesterday afternoon

sing it!

can't believe that i'm a fool again

i thought this love would never end

how was i to know

you never told me

don't give me that jologs-killer look in your eyes. i'm not a follower of westlife or anything but neither am i a cynic of the group. i just find their lines fit for what i am loudly whispering since the bugging truth came out from the horse's mouth yesterday.

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foolish heart, hear me calling

stop before you start falling

foolish heart, heed my warning

you've been wrong before

don't be wrong anymore

yah i know i'm a fool. you need not tell me that a gazillion times to constantly remind me. the title of this song becomes foolish me when i sing it.

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rain outside my window pouring down                                                     

what now, you're gone, my fault, i'm sorry

feeling like a fool cause i let you down

now it's too late to turn it around

how can i not see that i'm again making a fool outta myself these past few weeks, er, months na pala. at least i haven't invested that much yet. (yah, right gurl!)

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i'd rather you be mean than love and lie

i'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye

i'd rather take a blow at least then i would know

but baby don't you break my heart slow

as i was making my way towards the ladies' room after reading the news from him, i thought i was fighting back tears but nothing fell. i was just staring blankly at nothingness. (just imagine my girl, jasmine, breezing through the crowded airport tagging along her lame dad, oblivious of the world around her knowing that she can't be with julian anymore.) didn't even notice i entered the room with a door sign that reads, "male" ~ oops! sowee... (little bamba on bambacute's shoulder's note: too much my girl for this gurl!)

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i saw him this morning, i saw him before lunch, i saw him just a while ago... damn! he just passed by in front of me... now this little bamba on my shoulder whispered something, "foolish you!" bug off, you crap! i just don't understand why he had to make me believe in pretentions all these time. i don't know if i'm hurting or heart broken or mad or sad. all i know is i'm feeling like a fool for falling into a trap i already once fell into. but i didn't see the signs! hell!

nah this is nothing deeply serious... i was just taken aback at the unexpected revelation. and close to livid having found out i was the last to know. aaarrrghh!!! foolish me! oh well, at least i owe him gratitude for having the balls to finally blurt the truth out before i really fall for him.

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cause it's my first broken heart

my dreams within have ended

it's my first broken heart

i don't know how to mend it

tell me where do i start

cause it's my first broken heart                  

(first broken heart ka jan... wa ka kilati'g colored?!?)  

originally posted on august 26, 2006 @ friendster blogs

flirtfest

i must be really equally mad at the "flirt" and scared that she'd snatch my man for me to write this blog years ago. wow! now, i'm just laughing at this. i swear, i remember the boy and i remember more the gurl. haha! so much for i-know-he's-the-one kinda relationship for me. from them, i learned to just take it less serious yet be true to the commitment. i had fun re-reading this. here's sharing with you my "madness." 

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a tribute to the gurl who taught me how to love hating… why? no particulars, please… the gurl who’s a part of my past, whom i owe gratitude for showing me a living proof that bitches do exist. to you, thank you!

flirting is one of the most frustratingly misconstrued concepts of having fun and having a great time. that is why some articles found the utmost necessity to clear these misconceptions up. according to the fine art of flirting (daniel snow), flirting is a form of communication that shows appreciation, attraction, and/or interest. when you flirt, have only flirting in mind. don’t think about what it could turn you into. you should flirt for the enjoyment of putting your positive feelings out there for someone to enjoy.

but my reason for blogging this time is not to back up the good old snowman’s line of thinking. love it or hate it, the art of flirting cannot be safely underestimated. like this gurl i know for example… lurking in the shadows of a yuppie, a conservative, trying-to-be funny, looking-like-nuts charming, laid back lass who would do nothing but all the sacred goodies in the world so that her parents would tattoo her name on their asses. but underneath the angelic exterior she so expertly carries, lies the reek of a piss, dog shit and ripe garbage. no matter how good she is in concealing it, for sensitive gurls like me and for some far good reasons, she simply stinks! yeah, she flirts… a lot! not the kind of flirting enough to be considered an art.

mind you… when this married-man-with-kids shows up in the horizon, this desperate young poet immediately transforms into a subservient monkey, sticking her butt out before her prince. so undermining of someone’s confidence! drat!

“the ability to flirt is the ability to take control of yourself and have an impact on the world,” to quote the snowman. to quote the imp, “the ability to flirt is the ability to take control of the world and have an impact on yourself.”

no offense to the flirtyflirty staff of flirtyflirty.com. i am just trying to convey my message to a flirt i know who makes flirting so damn way dirty. but that, of course, depends if my homily sinks into her freaking-like-hell thicker than thick skin and her stinking-like-hell guts.

originally posted on sepetmber 2, 2005 @ friendster blogs