farewell is not goodbye

he was the apple of my eye then. an inspiration that got me getting up every morning to go to work. but he was never mine. glad that he wasn’t coz he’s now a very good friend. what we have is a friendship that knows no distance. even if we don’t talk much and he has a new lovelife (me too, btw), i’m just happy at how we are right now. thanks to what we were before. *wink!*

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"farewell is not gooodbye." ~~ that was what he told me before we parted ways yesterday night.

ok, a lil enlightenment... the guy i was referring to in my previous blog and the guy i'm about to write about (yah, about) incidentally carries the same body (and name, and scent, and smile, blah, blah, blah). yah, sya nga! after my making-a-fool-outta-myself drama, here i am still subjecting myself to utter foolishness. (another word for foolishness, please? uhm... bamba?) see, i can't be anybody close to a "special somebody" to this someone coz somebody owns this special somebody for me and calls him her special someone already... for three years now. gets? i vowed never to talk to and with him again to stop the what-he-calls gayuma of his from mounting up my systems. i don't think i love him or anywhere close to that yet (thank heavens!) but it's just that as the days went by, we're identified as each other's. we became an instant item, so to put it. and the more i resist (bcoz of some sane pledge), the more i find myself enjoying every minute and every thought of it... undeniably. it's like having a grade one crush all over again. the kilig factor is just so endearing! someone has put a smile on my face again. that certain kind of smile that kills... me.

then profession called for us to take a break from each other. i thought, "what's in it for me then? he's nothing more than a friend so why be bothered with his anticipated temporary distance?" there are really times in some friends' lives when they have to be away for a while, not to forget about, but to strengthen the bond. not to make it difficult, but to make it easier. as he was preparing the documents he needed to bring along, he confessed that as preparations neared completion, the heavier his heart got for he, too, dreaded the goodbye part of the fairy tale. what dah?! talk about complexities, huh? talk about making things easier, right?!

the approval of his cash advance request signaled it... he was ready to go. "this is really it," i read. and yes it was! we cheerfully walked the block, filling each other with the day's events, unmindful of the verity of his interim departure. i may have hated goodbye's but as he said, this is just a farewell... and farewell's are not goodbye's.

nobody now would consume the more significant hours of my day through skype chat, which i delight in the most. that brief coffee moment we used to share every morning at the pantry... the chupa chups strawberry and cream i used to enjoy every afternoon... he'd be gone for 20 days (or so, he said), yet he only left me seven sachets of green tea. it coudn't last that long... he needs to come back before i run short, er, out of supply. the two-block walk after work as we head home... the happiness i feel with his company... all that and more, i am starting to miss. nineteen more days to count as i patiently await the coming home of a friend whom i share a special something with. whatever that "special" means, we both know we're not taking a step further than that...  (little bamba on my shoulder: defensive ka yata?! di kaya?)

i woke up awfully early today (like 3:30AM) and felt a bit odd. more like a paradigm shift has hit my helmet bad and broke it. in the silence of my neighborhood, his words echoed, "farewell is not goodbye." i wasn't feeling the sadness like last night's, neither the emptiness or the somewhat longing. all i felt was the surge of excitement to start a brand new day and face the challenges that await me and my work. to top my morning with irony, i saw the bus that took him away from me (and to the tuna capital of mindanao) on my way to heed the call of my profession.

no more unreasonable sadness, in lieu, all smiles for a wonderful, extraordinary comradeship and lotsa positive vibes to get me through that 20 days or even more. all fairy tales have happy endings... and if we're in the realm of one, i know a happy, friendly ending looms somewhere, some time, after 20 days. but then again, today is just day one.

originally posted on october 4, 2006 @ friendster blogs