bitchology 101

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.

When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.

When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a bitch.

Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.

When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch.

The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish.
  

It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be.

I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!

So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me.

YOU WON'T SUCCEED.

And if that makes me a bitch, so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

'Cause I'm a Bitch In Total Control of Herself.

I Am One Hell of a Woman… A Beautiful Individual Who Can Handle Anything.

17 months

that pretty much says it all. just add oodles to that…

i miss you heaps!

sa ngalan ng niyebe

i have fancied playing in the snow. quite a bit worried if i could stand the cold, but thoughts of making snow balls, throwing them at some snow-playmates and just playing crazy in it thaw my systems to the max.

then i got this emailed photo from a dear friend. jeesh! this got me by surprise! from the philippines to japan, THANK YOU, reagz, for taking time to do this for me. you got your hands cold from writing my nick but you definitely warmed my heart for the effort, so here’s a warmer “salamat” for you. this is the closest i could get to the real thing so i’m holding on to this.

i am still dreaming of making my snow fantasy a reality one of these days. and until that day comes, i’ll keep the thought as you attract what you think. well, this is a very good step one, though.

i love this mess

i came home from my manila trip last thursday night (feb3) to see our house in complete chaos from hallow and decorative blocks, fine and coarse sand, bags of cement, scrap woods, metal wires (if that’s how you call it) and accessories for masonry work. still in a daze, i thought i had the wrong house but manong ushered me in so this was indeed our house. it hasn’t been that long since i left for call of profession yet this kind of state welcomed me home. guess i was just all tired and grumpy to immediately realize that manong and mamang launched the ground breaking of our simple house renovation. this is just the first of a series of improvement schemes my family has been brewing for years now.

my mood then changed to utter excitement over the disarray in front of me. this plan has long been kept in abeyance in our planner for obvious reasons. of course, we, like most families, are at the mercy of funds availability and for the longest time, time was all we could afford from what seemed to be a long list of to do’s and to buy’s. if it wasn’t for the leaking gutter last year, this action wouldn’t be taken so seriously, with urgency, in the first place. but, boy, am i ever so thankful for the provisions from Him at the right time that warranted us the plastering of our once-dilapidated walls and enclosing of the right portion of this dwelling and fixing the roof.

i almost lost hope a few years back when i thought everything was all yakking and no grinding. lost more hope with the thought that this family ain’t getting bigger anymore (unless we plan to extend it to members like nieces or nephews or in-laws or grandchildren), so what’s the use of additional rooms and extra spaces? yet i didn’t lose faith. i still prayed for the carrying out of our plans, and so did my mom. in God’s perfect time, my family once again gathered and talked about our home’s house before paps left for his own call of profession last month.

while i was away, they went on with the pre-works. guess i’ve nothing to worry now. i have full confidence in my mother’s architecture, design, budgeting and supervision; my brother’s engineering, canvassing and surveying; and my father’s accounting, auditing and disbursement. what’s there for me to offer? my cleaning! my housework! well, that’s support still. like i spent the entire day blitzing through the filthy house (i’m getting OA here again) with my broom, dust pan, duster and damp rug. you just don’t know how difficult it is spring-cleaning your room filled with all furniture and etcetera temporarily deposited from the portion now renovated. not to mention my near-asthma attack from the cement dust. achoo!!!

actually, i’m not at all complaining. if these clutter i’m sharing my room with now marks (the first step of) the realization of what used to be just a blueprint of this family’s future then i so love this mess!

16 months

distance never separates two hearts that really care, for our memories span the miles and in seconds we are there. but whenever i start feeling sad, because i miss you, i remind myself how lucky i am to have someone so special to miss. distance means so little when someone means so much.

mind over matter

imma say it loud, imma say it clear. so stack that up in yer brain!

a child's wit

funny how a child’s innocent answers send us laughing down to our knees, how effortlessly kids come up with incisive responses to some questions even adults could not have answered half as witty. i came to this thought during one of my lazy conversations with mom. and here are the top five wittiest responses on my list from kids i know:

TOP 5. tied at fifth spot are the smartness of Ruel, 5, and Marie Depuli, 4

§  during our early months stay in our now-permanent residence, part of the preliminary landscaping of our lawn included scraping out the stones and pebbles to grow the grass. what an arduous thing for hungry, tired bambacute.

Bamba: hahay, kagutom tawon! (hahay, kakagutom naman.)

(ruel, with forehead wrinkled, trying to steady his focus on me despite his eye disorder, nonchalantly uttered)

Ruel: gutom ka? kaon didto! (gutom ka? kumain ka dun!)

oo nga naman… what else should one do when hungry? simple! eh di kumain!

§  cuz depuli and me had the same problem concerning our naturally blonde hair. in continuous pursuit to keep the browns from possessing the few remaining blacks, our parents’ remedy is the traditional coconut oil (all-natural coconut juice extracted by squeezing the coco-meat) applied thickly on our hair leaving it all stinky and oily and yucky.

Mamang Betcha: (with disgusted look) heeee deps, ano yang nasa ulo mo? yuck!

Depuli: (looking innocently) buhok po, tita.

ano nga naman ba ang nasa ulo kundi buhok?  

TOP 4: still Marie Depuli, 4

Depuli, observing mamang and me finish our bayabas in the dinner table;

Depuli: ano yan, tita?

Mamang Betcha: guava ito, dep. guavvvvvvaa. (with much emphasis on V to teach the young depuli the English of bayabas with correct pronunciation)

Depuli: (watching closely tita bet’s lips) vvvvv…

Mamang Betcha: guavvvva...

Depuli: (obviously having a hard time on the V) vvvv… vvvveeeyabas!

dah! why torture herself with guava when there’s the easier bayabas, este, viyabas?

TOP 3: Joshua Angelo, 4

Josh, fiddling at the spare table in mamang’s office, unmindful of the world around him and just enjoying the comfort of the cold room, when tita boging and ate mae came in to consult something with mamang. josh barely looking up, whispered rather loudly to himself;

Joshua: tita boging is tita boging. ate mae is ate mae. tita boging is not ate mae. and ate mae is not tita boging.

Mamang Betcha: (eaten by her curiosity) why josh? bcoz tita boging is old?

Joshua: yes, she’s not new.

ayan! kasi nakikialam sa usapan ng mga bata… pero tama nga naman si josh, what else is old? but something that’s not new. ayt?

TOP 2: Sarah Francesca, 3

cuz isis, while watching her mom, ninang vine, dress up for office one summer morning;

Isis: (face in aversion, almost yelling her protest) asa diay ka ma? (san ka pala, ma?)

Ninang Vine: (in her calmest tone to keep isis from crying) adto mama office, tata (reads: bata), ha. diri lang ka balay. dili lang ka uban ha. la man tata didto. (pupunta si mama sa office, tata, ha. dito ka lang sa bahay. wala kasing tata dun.)

Isis: (quite convinced) aw. uu. (with cebuano accent)

Uncle Maki, observing on the other side of the room, provokingly mocked isis who was still disappointed with her mama’s early departure from the house;

Tatay Maki: asa diay adto si mama, ‘bee? (reads: baby) adto sya office? (san pala pupunta si mama, 'bee? sa office?)

Isis: (in an attempt to sound adult) uu. adto mama office. dili lang ka uban, tatay maki, ha. la man tata didto. (oo. punta mama sa office. wag ka lang sumama, tatay maki, ha. wala kasing tata dun.)

nah! see how fast the kid’s pick up was? very sharp, isis. very clever! hahaha!

TOP 1: tararan taran! (drum rolls , please) no less but yours truly, Marie Elizabeth, 2.5 (as recounted by betcha)

Manong, who was then in preschool (and I was still an out-of-school youth), was browsing a book of biblical stories. for reasons he alone knew, the inquisitive manong bugged mamang with an innocent question;

Manong Weng: mang, mang! ngano diay gilansang si Jesus Christ sa cross? (bakit pinako si Jesus Christ sa cross?)

Mamang: (thinking very hard on how to explain to this young boy’s mind the story behind Jesus’ crucifixion in the simplest way possible, mindful of sparing the kid with the gory details) uhmm…

Manong Weng: (snooping some more) mang, ngano lagi gilansang si Jesus sa cross? (bakit nga pinako si Jesus sa cross?)

(bamba, twiddling at her coloring book, answered manong’s question for mamang without even looking up to the talking mag-ina)

Bamba: aron dili mahulog, manong. (para hindi malaglag, manong.)

Manong Weng: aw. (ah.)

at natapos ang usapan. just like that. who ever said you need to complicate simple things?

all we sometimes need is the innocent wit of a kid to solve a seemingly difficult puzzle. not only do they offer effective comic relief but lessons more educated adults cannot offer.

like what my mom always tells me, “unless you become like little children, you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven.” (malangit na jud diay ko ani! yehey!!!)